it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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