There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
