Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My bed smells like the plague
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
