I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
