I'm so fucking centered right now
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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