Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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