so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
