The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
