dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
