This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
