are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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