Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
