Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
