just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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