Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
