So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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