Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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