so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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