I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
