She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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