My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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