he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
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i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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