I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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