So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
