that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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