Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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