its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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