i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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