Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
