You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
