I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
