I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
