I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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