My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
