so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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