he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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