I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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