You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
