Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
