In the future we'll all be gay
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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