I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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