i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up