Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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