WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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