He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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