I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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