i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
