i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
