You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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