can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
