how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
