well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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