One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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