I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
