It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
