So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
