i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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