My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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