I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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