I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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