theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
