p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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