Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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